


Calm Envy

by Chibi_Taan_89



Category: the GazettE
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Depression, Light Bondage, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Sex Toys, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-01-20
Packaged: 2018-09-18 19:53:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9400646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chibi_Taan_89/pseuds/Chibi_Taan_89
Summary: Ruki never believed in love to the fullest. He thought he can do without it. it's a weak feeling and it makes you always feel anxious. so why love someone? isn't it just simple to have your usual routine. handsome lover, a good job, a normal amount of money and the best of it all, it's all a perfect routine.why ruin something so perfect?





	

**Author's Note:**

> HoiHoiHOOOOOI!  
> YES  
> I wrote Aoi x Ruki (KILL ME LOL) naah 8D  
> I made a poll so all of you voted. it was a close one between Kai and Aoi but Aoi won by a vote or two..lol  
> well i don't mind. just don't get tooo comfy 8D  
> this story is not what is seems  
> remember Video Black mail and Locked up inside?  
> Tehehehe~  
> prepare yourself ~
> 
> Thank you Desi for the Beta ;A;!!!!! love youu!!!

Calm Envy

I never believed in love...

I always thought... what makes you sad and weak doesn't need to be part of your life.

It’s a feeling I can do without, even if I tend to feel it.

The sting...

The feeling of love that hurts whenever you feel sad or happy.

I never said ' I love you' though...

Neither did he.

Even if I know he wants to say it...

But apparently my expression makes him back away every time.

It’s like he knows what I think and restrains his own happiness for my sake. because he knows what I feel deep down.

Is this love?

The suffering he is struggling so much about? Is this love?

If suffering is love…

I don't need it.

Switch it off.

Make it stop.

 

****

 

The alarm clock rings exactly at 6:25, five mornings in a row, except on weekends. Ruki sets it carefully five minutes before the half six and tends to roll in bed for the remaining five minutes.

Every morning apart from weekends is the same routine.

His hand ruffles his hair, lazy eyes open, curling his body under the blankets to still feel that little heat he is wrapped around in.

He is not a lazy person. He wakes up every time in the morning even on those no working weekends when the alarm doesn't ring.

He is precise. He is never late nor wants to be late. He can only be early or on time.

There is no 'I’m sorry I’m late' in Ruki's vocabulary.

 

When he finally gets up from the comfort of his bed, Ruki pulls his slippers closer before putting them on and finally decides to get up. His chihuahua, Koron, was sleeping soundly next to him, on the bed, not glancing over to his owner not bothering to wake up. It was too early and the air was way too cold to get out of bed. Not that Koron had any reason to get up. 

Ruki makes no difference between the two drinks he usually likes to taste early morning before work. Either he wants tea or coffee, for him it’s the same. Routine is routine.  
If you asked him, he would always say 'addictions are addictions', coffee or tea are the same.  
Because Ruki is a simple man.  
A true simple, working man.

This time it’s coffee for him. The coffee pot is already set on the counter of the kitchen before he pulls the cup out of the kitchen cabinet and the sugar right next to the cups.  
A dash of sugar and a stain of milk.  
That's how Ruki drinks his coffee. Dark and strong.

Just like his lover.

He smirks by himself while waiting patiently for the coffee to boil to savor that aromatic flavor with his taste buds.  
Before putting his clothes on, he pours the right amount of food into Koron's bowl, for when the dog wakes up, and then goes to dress himself, same routine as every day.  
His usual work clothes are always on place, settled on the chair the day before. Because he doesn't like to rush early in the morning through his wardrobe, thinking what to wear. He likes it simple, early and ready.

His clothes are chosen always the day before. No rushing, no panic, no regret.

Ruki lives a simple and peaceful life.

He loves it that way.

It’s perfect in his perspective.

It's the only way to function.

That's how it's going to be.

Or so he thinks.

 

*****

 

-Aoi?-

Ruki's fingers tapped on his desk, waiting for his lover to answer the phone. He hated waiting. Why was Aoi always so lazy to answer the phone? Was he working? No.  
He knew the tall, dark-haired lover had lunch right now. He knew he wasn't busy. But why was it taking so long for him to answer?  
He hated when people made him wait.

Hated. 

-Hello?-

-Finally!! Where are you? I've already thought you were busy with work!-

He lied. 

He knew better but tried to play it easy. Aoi wasn't an aggressive person, but it was better not to push his buttons.

-I’m eating. sorry I really didn't hear the phone. It's on vibration-

-Vibration? Even during your break? That's cold...! You know I always call you-

After a long pause… Ruki finally heard a plain, solid 'I’m sorry' as a response to his previous sentence.

-It's okay. I’m sorry too. I know you’re at work, yet I always bother you-

-It's okay if it’s you...-

And there he goes.

Using his usual charm Ruki cannot do without.

It's like Aoi can truly see inside of him, know what he wants, and extract it from him.

He knows Ruki is tainted by soft and gentle words, yet he doesn't show them in return.

This is just a part of Ruki Aoi had to accept.

-Aoi...-

His words were stuck in his throat before he could speak again.

-...Coming over tonight?-

-We’re having dinner?-

-Yeah...-

-Sure! The usual hour?-

-Yeah...-

-See you then, babe-

-S...see you then-

His heart was beating fast in his chest when he hung up the phone call and put the phone back in his pocket.  
It was something so strong it was actually causing him pain.  
Why was Ruki so incapable of saying it back?

It's normal to have pet names right? It was normal for Aoi to be so nice and warm to him. Yet Ruki had the hardest time actually expressing it. Why was it so hard?  
He isn't going to die because of this.

He just..

Felt hurt.

It hurt all.

Pain and sadness.

It hurt.

It hurt him bad.

 

******

 

After work, Ruki headed out of the building and right inside the convenience store to buy something for dinner. He wanted to surprise Aoi by making something special this time, but he had no clue what to do.

Many things were on sale but he just started at them blankly, not knowing what do to.  
Aoi loves Italian, right? So maybe some spaghetti? It's plain, yes, but Aoi loves this dish. Well. He will improvise this time.

After he bought the groceries, he headed home to clean up before Aoi came. His house wasn't a mess. Even if he lived alone, and for a man a clean house was a rare sight, he still needed to make it perfect.

Bedroom sparkling, sheets changed, bathroom refreshed and kitchen cleaned. Everything was perfect, yet he still had the idea that something was missing. He had to brush it off because it was time to make dinner. He will have to think of the details later on.  
Ruki grabbed the pot, filling it with water before putting it on the fire and opening the bag of pasta. He had a special recipe for this type of pasta and he needed some vegetables to complete it.

He was lucky most things were already at home so he didn't have to buy all of them.

It took a few minutes before the special veggy sauce was done and the pasta was fully cooked, just in time, because the doorbell rang. Ruki was sure Aoi came a little bit earlier but brushed it off before heading to open the door.

He didn't even realize it was already 20:15 and Aoi was actually running late. How did he miss that?

-Hey!!!-

Aoi's voice greeted Ruki when he finally opened the front door and greeted him back with the same smile Aoi gave him. Koron barked twice, sniffing Aoi's shoes and growling once again, retreating to the bedroom of his owner to cover himself under the warm blankets. Aoi was no stranger to him, so he didn't need to be awake of any danger. Ruki's bed was enough to keep him at peace.

The dark-haired lover stepped inside the small apartment and kissed Ruki gently on the lips before smiling at him, Ruki's flushed face was as red as a tomato.

-You always make this so cute… I can't hold it. I wanna tease you...-

-Aoi....-

Ruki's eyes lowered, steeping aside to let Aoi move inside the house and into the living room.

-I'm sorry...but, you know, when you make that face it’s utterly cute.-

-D..don't call me cute... Aoi.. I’m a man..-

\- I know...-

The dark haired lover’s hand moved over his chin as he kept smirking, observing Ruki's nervous reactions. Ruki was always so formal with him, even if they were lovers for more than a year now. He never understood why he acted like that, but he never wanted to push him into doing something he didn't feel comfortable about.

-Soo? What are we eating?-

Aoi's voice broke the silence between them, taking his coat off and putting it on the coat hanger. Ruki went inside the kitchen to grab the pot with the pasta and sauce, waiting for Aoi to reach him into the kitchen.

-Pasta and my special veggy sauce. I hope you will like it.-

-Aah..you always remember the small details. I love pasta...-

Ruki's smile widened even more, knowing Aoi actually was happy of the dish, even if it was a simple thing, it still made him happy.  
The two of them were quiet during dinner, as both of them were focused on the food, entering their own world of thoughts. Aoi was observing Ruki eating and noticed the smaller blonde lover spacing out more than usual. He seemed quite agitated.

-Did something happen at work?-

-Uh?? N..no. Why do you ask?-

-You seem a bit absent... I thought maybe something happened at work-

-Oh...well, today the boss told me we will get new workers tomorrow. I need to train them. Not much..it's a bit..annoying...-

-Aah... Your routine is broken.-

-Yeah...I hate it...-

Aoi snorted at that, knowing how much Ruki loved order and routine. He had a hunch something happened at work for him to be acting like that. He just needed to ask.

-Ruki...-

-Mmh?-

-What's for dessert?-

 

****

 

He didn't need to ask any further. Ruki already knew.

And he loved it.

The warmth of Aoi's body, the scent and the touch. He knew it all so well and loved it all. Aoi was the only one who knew exactly how his body worked and where to touch. He knew what buttons were supposed to be touched and where he is most sensitive.  
The ears, the nape, the navel.

Those were all of Ruki's most sensitive places he loved to be touched and caressed. Aoi's hands travelled all over his body, stopping on his belly to lick and nibble at the soft skin.  
Ruki's skin was always taken care of. Soft and pale. Aoi loved Ruki's curves and his almost feminine side. The petite body moved underneath him, squirming as soon as Aoi's hand reached the head of his erection.

It took Ruki seconds to get fully hard and aroused at the touch of his lover’s hand. It was all Aoi. 

Ruki loved it.

His body was moving like a cat, wriggling and curling around the soft blankets he carefully changed before Aoi came, hair messy and spread on the bed. His mouth open, panting, breathing hot air while Aoi's mouth moved and kissed his chest and belly.

-I love your skin... so soft....-

Ruki's cheeks turned red immediately at those words, hearing the words 'love' escape Aoi's lips once again.

-M...me too.. Your body... I want to...t..touch it...-

A smirk curled over Aoi's lips while he removed himself from Ruki's smaller body and looked directly into his eyes.

-You want to be on top of me today?-

-Uh...y..yeah...I want to touch you more--

-At your command....-

 

It was like a dance... The way their bodies moved and interacted with each other, Ruki bouncing on top of Aoi, moving his hips more and more as Aoi spreaded Ruki's tight ring of muscles with his two fingers, now coated with lube. Ruki was used to sex with his lover, so he didn't need so much preparation, but he still loved the simple routine Aoi had over his body.

First the finger, dancing inside of his ass, making him squirm with excitement to the end of cumming so fast, to the erotic moment when his lover’s member will fills him up and pleasures him till both of them reach the final climax.

Ruki was slowly adjusting to the fingers when Aoi removed them and helped himself with Ruki's body, moving his member next to Ruki's ass, slowly and gently, brushing it against his cheeks.

-A...Aoi I...-

-Sig in..~

Aoi teased as Ruki did exactly that. 

Shaking hand, Ruki reached out to grab hold of Aoi's erection, sliding it inside of him. He tried sitting straight but a slight jolt of pain hit him as the tip of the member slowly entered him.

The dark-haired lover moved his hands over Ruki's hips and pushed him lower on top of him, helping Ruki adjust himself better.

-Uhhh... S...so full... I...feel it inside... Aoi....-

Aoi was lost in the seductive game Ruki was performing of top of him, loving every moment and every word Ruki spoke to him. He was firing him up even more with those lust filled words, making sure his member got even bigger inside of Ruki.

-S---so big..Aoi. You got b...bigger...-

-Y..yeah. Keep talking to me baby... keep it up. You excite me to no end… I feel like I could die...-

Ruki's body moved, making sure to squeeze harder every time his erection was deep inside of him, earning erotic sounds escape Aoi's lips.

-Y..your body... I can't have enough....-

-A..Aoi.. I’m...-

-Y..yeah baby... Me too... urgh....-

His hands moved faster, moving Ruki's body faster on top of him. Even more moans escaped Ruki's mouth as he rode his lover to the end. He came all over Aoi's chest, while Aoi tried his best to move more and enjoy it to the fullest, but failed. Ruki squeezed his member hard, making Aoi climax as well.

-Uhhn.... S...so good...-

-Ah-- I... really want... to cum inside of you... Not in a condom...-

Ruki's body froze at that and removed himself from his lover. Aoi felt his lover’s body tremble under his touch and grabbed his hand, slowly caressing it to reassure him.  
-I would never do it if I didn't ask, Ruki. Don't worry. I love your routines.

-Y...yeah...my routines.....-

And indeed.... Ruki has his routine.

No sex without a condom.

He knew it all too well that he can't get pregnant. He is a man. But he always had his routine.  
Ever since that day he always used condoms.  
Since the first time it happened.

He doesn't want to feel it again.

He can't feel that sensation again. Or rather he doesn't want to.

This is for the best.

Routine is best.

His routine....

 

****

The next day was passing by quite fast... Ruki was already ready to finish all the paper work he had to finish and head home earlier, before the boss took hold of him. Of course... the boss came at the last moment, stopping Ruki from leaving.  
This pissed him off, but he couldn't show it, so the tainted fake smile will have to work for now.

-Before you go... I need to introduce you to your new colleague. Please wait a few more minutes. I'm sure you will love him. He is quite talented in his division...-

-Y...yeah I will wait in the lobby-

After that, Ruki entered the elevator, pressing the first floor. He hated it when people interrupted his schedule.

But he couldn't allow himself any other options, as to act like nothing happened, at least while he was still at work.  
It will have to go.

Once he got out of the elevator, Ruki signed on the reception desk for his leave and waited patiently for the boss to come and introduce them.

After yesterday he completely forgot about the new colleague he will be instructing from now on, and imagined how he would look like.

Probably a youngster he needed to train for his future career. Or maybe some old geezer who can't find any other job and had a hand into getting to the office Ruki was working.  
Either way. It will be a bother for him.

Like every time something messes up in his plans.

-Ruki... good. You’re here! This is your new colleague...Akira...-

Ruki turned around to see the boss and a tall, muscular, young man, bleached blonde and spiky hair.  
He looks like a person working at a gym… Not in an office...

Ruki's eyes widened even more when he observed Akira's form and features. He looked so familiar.

-Pleased to meet you. You can call me Reita... nice to make your....-

-...R..Reita?-

-Ruki?-

-...It's...Reita-s...senpai?-

-Aaah good... you know each other... Aweet! Then there will be no problems for you to work together...~ right?-

Oh...Ruki's routine just had a huge turn over…

A huge one indeed...


End file.
